Start an Ongoing Conversation
No loving relationship can exist without communication. Teens believe they have valuable things to say and, when a parent listens genuinely, it helps self-esteem and confidence. The most important thing to remember when it comes to talking about difficult subjects like drinking and drugs is that it's not a five-minute "talk" - it's about building an ongoing dialogue. As your children grow up, they will need more and more information, so start early and build on the conversation as your teen matures.

Virtually all parents in America (98 percent) say they've talked with their children about drugs; however, only 27 percent of teens (roughly one in four) say they're learning a lot at home about the risks of drugs, according to a national study by the Partnership for a Drug-Free America (PDFA).
 
There aren't enough hours in the day. Sometimes it's frustrating how few chances there are to have conversations about drugs with our children. In our busy culture, with families juggling the multiple demands of work, school, after-school activities, and religious and social commitments, it can be a challenge for parents and children to be in the same place at the same time.

Yet the better you communicate, the more at ease your teen will feel about discussing drugs and other sensitive issues with you.

Here are some tips:

• Be absolutely clear with your kids that you don't want them using drugs. Ever. Anywhere. Don't leave room for interpretation. And talk often about the dangers and results of drug and alcohol abuse. Once or twice a year won't do it. Get more specifics on setting the rules.
• Be a better listener. Ask questions - and encourage them. Paraphrase what your teen says to you. Ask for their input about family decisions. Showing your willingness to listen will make your teen feel more comfortable about opening up to you.
• Give honest answers. Don't make up what you don't know; offer to find out. If asked whether you've ever taken drugs, let them know what's important: That you don't want them using drugs. Get the facts on drugs by visiting www.theantidrug.com Drug Information section.
  Use TV reports, anti-drug commercials, or school discussions about drugs to help you introduce the subject in a natural, unforced way. Get more specifics on using teachable moments.
• Don't react in a way that will cut off further discussion. If your teen makes statements that challenge or shock you, turn them into a calm discussion of why your teen thinks people use drugs, or whether the effect is worth the risk.  Role-play with your teen and practice ways to refuse drugs in different situations. Acknowledge how tough these moments can be. Get more specifics on using role-playing.
• Talk About the Risks of Drugs
  In conversations with your teen, steer the subject to drugs and why they're harmful. If you can ingrain this information in your children well before they are faced with making difficult choices, experts say they'll be more likely to avoid rather than use. In fact, teenagers who say they've learned a lot about the risks of drugs from their parents are much less likely to try marijuana than those who say they've learned nothing from them.
• You don't need to fear that by introducing the topic of drugs, you're putting ideas into your children's heads any more than talking about traffic safety might make them want to jump in front of a car. You're letting them know about potential dangers in their environment so that when they're confronted with them, they'll know what to do. Children in late elementary school need to be warned specifically about not using inhalants. There are a number of common household substances that some young people of this age will try inhaling. Parents must be encouraged to warn their children that even one instance of inhaling can lead to severe brain damage or even death.
• Parents should also use some of their good conversation time with children and adolescents to make it clear that they don't want them to use marijuana. Parents should state clearly to their pre-teens and teens that they would be very disappointed if they started using marijuana. Parents may also want to explain that marijuana use interferes with young people's concentration, memory, and motor skills, and that it interferes with motivation, leads to poorer school performance, and can cause users to disappoint the people most important to them. All of this can be communicated in a loving way: I love you and I want the best for you, so I hope you won't try marijuana.

Introducing the Topic of Drugs
If you hear something you don't like (perhaps a friend smokes marijuana or your teen confesses to trying beer at a party), it is important not to react in any way that cuts off further discussion. If he seems defensive or assures you that he doesn't know anyone who uses drugs, ask him why he thinks people use them.

Discuss whether the risks are worth what people may get out of using them and whether he thinks it would be worth it to take the risks. Even without addiction, experimentation is too great a gamble. One bad experience, such as being high and misjudging how long it takes to cross a busy street, can change or end a life forever. If something interrupts your conversation, pick it up the next chance you get.

Be Firm about Marijuana
Parents should state clearly to their pre-teens and teens that they would be very disappointed if they started using marijuana. Parents may also want to explain that marijuana use interferes with young people's concentration, memory, and motor skills, and that it interferes with motivation, leads to poorer school performance, and can cause users to disappoint the people most important to them. All of this can be communicated in a loving way: "I love you and I want the best for you, so I hope you won't try marijuana."
Some parents who saw marijuana being widely used in their youth still wonder: Is marijuana really so bad for my child? The answer is an emphatic yes! Not convinced? Need more reasons?

Read these:

• Marijuana is illegal.
• Marijuana now exists in forms that are stronger with higher levels of THC, the psychoactive ingredient than in the 1960s.
• Studies show that someone who smokes five joints a week may be taking in as many cancer-causing chemicals as someone who smokes a full pack of cigarettes every day.
• Hanging around users of marijuana often means being exposed not only to other illegal drugs, but also to a lifestyle that can include trouble in school, engaging in sexual activity while young, unintended pregnancy, difficulties with the law, and other problems.
• Marijuana use can slow down reaction time and distort perceptions. This can interfere with athletic performance, decrease a sense of danger, and increase risk of injury.
• Regular marijuana users can lose the ability to concentrate that is needed to master important academic skills, and they can experience short-term memory loss. Habitual marijuana users tend to do worse in school and are more likely to drop out altogether.
• Teens who rely on marijuana as a chemical crutch and refuse to face the challenges of growing up never learn the emotional, psychological, and social lessons of adolescence.
• The research is not complete on the effects of marijuana on the developing brain and body.
  

Use Teachable Moments
When is the right time to bring up the topic of drugs with my teenager?  Parenting expert Phillippe Cunningham, Ph.D., suggests that any moment can be a teachable moment. When you decide to use a moment to teach your teen something about drugs, it doesn't have to be a long, serious talk - just a few words can do. And it's not a talk you have to have only once. Have it regularly.

Some examples of teachable moments might be when you're:

• Having fun. One mother said, "I go for walks with my girls and everything just comes out right."
• Discussing books or movies with your kids.
• Eating dinner together as a family.
• Just hanging out … reading, cooking a meal, going fishing, listening to music, watching a ball game, singing together, playing chess or having a family picnic.
• When your kids are in school, it's a good time to start using teachable moments to warn them about inhalants. Some kids sniff gasoline, nail polish remover or the fumes from shaving cream cans to get high, and they can die any time they use them - the first or 50th time.

Learn to Listen
Just talking to your child is only half the job. You can keep the lines of communication open by knowing how to listen and when to talk. Your teen will tell you about the sights and sounds that influence him or her every day. They are the experts about fashion, music, TV, and movies that people their age follow.

Ask your teen what music groups are popular and what their songs are about, what his friends like to do after school, what's cool and what's not and why. Encourage your teen with phrases such as: "That's interesting" or "I didn't know that" and by asking follow-up questions.

Try these tips:

• Encourage your children to feel comfortable telling you about problems they may be having and asking you for help.
• You might try rephrasing your teen's comments to indicate that you have understood or give nonverbal support and encouragement by nodding and smiling.
• Use a caring tone of voice to answer your teen and use encouraging phrases to express interest and to keep the conversation going.

Conversations for Critical Times
What happens if you suspect that your teen is already using alcohol and drugs? What do you say to them? The conversation is the same: parents need to tell their kids that drug and alcohol use by teens is not allowed in your family. The issue won't go away until you do something. You will simply have to acknowledge that your teen has a problem - your teen is using drugs and that won't get any better until you take action on your teen's behalf. It is OK to ask for help. In fact, getting help may make it easier for you to have the conversation.

Practice the conversation ahead of time. You may have to have a couple of "practice runs." These conversations are not easy but they are worthwhile. Talking it over with your spouse/partner beforehand will help you keep a level head and speak to the issue. (Review some key talking points and practice these sample conversations beforehand.)

Make Agreements with Yourself
Tell yourself that you won't "lose it" with your teen. Anger and hostility won't get you anywhere in this conversation. Stay as calm as possible. Remember, you are the parent and you are in charge. Be kind, simple, and direct in your statements to your teen. Above all, remember to tell your teen that you love him or her! The conversation will not be perfect - no conversation ever is. Know that you are doing the right thing for your teen. That's what matters most!